Let me say up front that I’m in no way an exemplary housekeeper! I’ve been on and off the Flylady bandwagon for over 8 years (mostly off, lol), and I’ve tried many other methods of getting household messes under control. Because we homeschool, our house is very, well . . . lived in. Every day there are countless opportunities for the entire house to descend into clutter and turmoil. Suffice it to say, the constant vigilence that keeps chaos at bay is not something that comes naturally to me.

I am better at keeping house than I was when I started, though. There are several strategies that I’ve tried that have made a real difference in my ability to keep a (more or less) smoothly running and welcoming home environment. I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned is how much of a difference routinely getting a few small tasks right can make.

One of the most helpful techniques for making that happen? The “I thought of it, so now I have to do it” rule. It’s very simple, really. I have a few tasks, each taking about 1 minute or less, that I have to complete whenever I happen to think of them. No negotiation or procrastination is allowed, whatsoever. Even if I’m running late, I can take 1 minute to do something, if I think of it.

I’ve found that I can actually make myself do these tasks because I have timed each one, and I can tell myself with complete confidence that it’ll only take 1 minute, or 37 seconds, or whatever the time is for the task in question. It doesn’t take as much willpower as cleaning out a closet or decontaminating the refrigerator. In fact, once you realize how little time it really takes, you feel silly even considering putting it off for later.

So what kinds of tasks are suitable for this sort of exercise?

Well, one of my first candidates was emptying the kitchen trash can whenever it got anywhere even close to full. (This was the inspiration for my post, The Garbage Can is a Metaphor for Life.) As that post points out, you simply can’t justify piling up the trash any more once you realize it only takes a minute (or less) and doing it every time means you will never again have to deal with another Mount Trashmore.

Another good candidate is making your bed. This one seems insignificant, but it helps keep my whole bedroom looking tidy and comfortable. It takes me literally 20-30 seconds. If your bed takes longer than a minute to make up (and you are a reasonably mobile and healthy adult), you should seriously consider simplifying your bedding!

“Swishing and swiping” the bathroom is another great example. Flylady showed me that this task actually takes only seconds each morning, as I’m getting ready for the day. (It probably takes about as long to actually do it as it does to read about it!) I:

• Use my wet washcloth to wipe off the sink and countertop. (15 seconds)
• Spray daily shower cleaner in the shower stall. (10 seconds)
• Swish toilet, and wipe up any drips or hair with a hank of damp toilet paper. (15 seconds)

That’s 40 seconds to a tidy bathroom, on a daily basis. Mirror cleaning, sweeping, and mopping are done periodically, as I have the time. The key to success with this one is to be sure not to have too much “stuff” on your countertops. You don’t want to have to wipe around and under tons of clutter. Again, simplicity is King!

The task I’m working on now is a little trickier for me, because it does take 2-3 minutes. Unloading the dishwasher removes a huge potential bottleneck in kitchen cleanliness, though. You can’t empty your sink if the dishwasher is full of dishes. The overflow of dishes then backs up onto countertops, bars, tables, etc. One thing leads to another, so just clearing out that dishwasher makes the whole kitchen easier to handle. Because I’ve learned that 2-3 minutes really isn’t that long, I’m actually having pretty good results with this experiment, too. It really helps if your cabinets are decluttered enough that you can easily fit your dishes into them.

Tips for best results when using this rule:

• Time yourself, at first, just to prove it really takes only a matter of seconds to complete your task.
• Watch out when your silly brain tries to tell you, “I don’t have time for that right now.” Of course you have time for it! You just timed it, and it takes less than a minute. If you’d just done it right away instead of arguing with yourself about it, it’d be done by now!
• Don’t add too many items to your list at once. This is critical to your success. Too many new ideas at once makes you have to think about strategies way too much. You don’t want to try to remember what and how and when you should be doing something, you want to spend your time actually doing something well. Figure out a simple way to get one or two things done, and then practice doing them as often as you can, until you can do them with hardly a second thought! At that point you can add another item to the list. I know you’re going to want to make a list with all kinds of little tasks on it. Do. Not. Do. That. Yes, I’m talking specifically to YOU. Why don’t you just pick two things right now? Have fun!
• Institute a “triple jeopardy” rule, which means you can’t be forced to do more than 2 tasks in a row. When I started using the ITOISNIHTDO rule, I got a little intimidated by the thought that I’d think of task after task that I needed to do, and then I’d have to do them all at once. So, I made this addendum to help me relax. I can do the extra tasks if I want to, but I don’t have to do more than 2 of them if it isn’t a convenient time.
• In practice, I often do chain several of these tasks together, especially in the mornings. I usually don’t mind, because I love how much I can accomplish with such little effort. If I get tired of it though, I can let myself off the hook after the first two.

I think you’ll find that as you gradually add items to your mental list of things you must do when you think of them, you’ll have more and more little tasks that you habitually do, without even thinking about it. I’ll be thinking about what I need to defrost for supper, and before I know it, I’ve wiped the bathroom counters and made my bed with no mental effort on my part.

If you are looking to add some good habits to your approach to housekeeping, consider trying the “I thought of it, so now I have to do it” rule. Let me know if it helps!

Also, I’ve mentioned a few possibilities in this post, but there are many more 1 minute or less tasks that can make a significant difference in how well your household runs. Feel free to add your suggestions for more in the comments!

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

I saw that Why Homeschool found this hour-long interview with Elizabeth Warren, one of the authors of The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents are Going Broke.

This is one of my very favorite books. It explains so well why having two incomes can, indeed, be a terrible trap for many people. It was after I read this book a couple of years ago that I knew we were going to be in for some major problems in the U.S. real estate market.While I had known for a while that many people are lured to financial disaster by easy consumer credit, I had not put the pieces together to see that even many people who pay all their bills and live within their means are still vulnerable to financial disaster.There is a common perception that homeschoolers make a financial sacrifice to enable one parent to be available for child-rearing. This book, though, was proof positive for me that homeschooling is a great way to avoid the trap that many families find themselves facing. After reading this, I knew that homeschooling was actually going to strengthen our family’s overall financial security.

Essentially, much of the danger of the two income trap comes from rising home prices. While people spend less on necessities like groceries than they have historically, they spend a lot more on their mortgages.

This book argues that one of the main drives in the cost of housing has been the need to be located near good schools. Homes cost more in desirable school precincts, and the more people who want to live in that district, the more the houses cost.

Though the authors don’t have anything against having two incomes, they do see a huge problem when a family HAS to have two incomes in order to pay the mortgage.

If you have extra income just to pay for luxuries, vacations, or for saving money, it isn’t such a big problem. When one of you gets sick, or is laid off, your family can just cut back on those optional expenses, without being in danger of losing your home or going bankrupt.

If your family requires both incomes in order to make ends meet, you are in an incredibly precarious position. Most bankruptcies are caused by illness or job loss, not just running up credit card debt and living beyond your means.

If you are a one income family, then you have a great safety valve. If that one income is reduced or lost due to a layoff, or if expenses go up because of illnesses or other temporary factors, the unemployed spouse can go out and get a part-time or full-time job, until things get better.

If both spouses are already employed, then it is much more difficult to bring in more money in the case of an emergency. So one-income families are more solid, financially, than many two-income families, even though they may have to live a somewhat more frugal lifestyle on a day-to-day basis.

We homeschoolers don’t have to think about what school district we are near! Furthermore, if we do find ourselves needing to reduce our housing costs, we can just sell our house and buy a smaller one. We don’t have to agonize about kids switching schools mid-year, losing their entire social network at the same time that the family is undergoing many other challenges.

After reading The Two-Income Trap, I’m convinced that homeschooling is a great way for our family to build a stronger financial and emotional position. It is a responsible way to anticipate life’s unexpected problems, while building a lifestyle of family bonding.

And heck, I just realized that the book is on sale at Amazon for only $4.99. What a steal! Find it at your local library, or pick up a copy on Amazon to have for future reference and moral support when you start envying those big houses.

The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle-Class Parents are Going Broke

(This is an affiliate link, and helps generate a few cents for Bringing Up Learners if you buy through my link. If you enjoy my posts, you can send a little encouragement my way by making purchases on Amazon after clicking on one of my Amazon links (any book you want to buy, not just the ones I recommend!)

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

Do you like the idea of incorporating nature walks into your homeschooling repertoire? Are you a little unsure of how to actually go about it, or do you feel like your walks are getting a little stale and repetitious? Do you think nature walks sound boring? Then please, read on!

While I’ve always loved hiking and the great outdoors, I’ve felt at points that I was missing something in trying to introduce my children to nature. Everything I did felt forced and unnatural, and after a couple of attempts I had a hard time thinking of anything new to talk about with them. After the initial, “Look, there’s nature!” I was drawing a blank.

Then, last year, we participated in a series of homeschool science classes at a local nature preserve. During almost every class, the children would have a nature walk. Usually, these walks were along the same 1/4 to 1/2 mile stretch of trail that led from the back of the nature center. At the beginning of the series, I remember thinking, “The kids are going to get bored with this in no time.” And I waited to see when the complaints would begin. Week after week came and went, and to my surprise, there were no complaints; just lots of enthusiasm! I was amazed at how much there really was to see on this little path. Every time we went, we had a different focus, and before long each week seemed like an opportunity to see an old friend again, through new eyes.

When I think of nature appreciation, one more anecdote comes to mind: An acquaintance of mine once described the role that his grandfather had played in developing his appreciation for nature. He related how he followed his grandfather to their trout pond often, and he watched as his grandfather fished. His grandfather would whisper to him excitedly, “Look! There! Do you see it!” pointing at the huge trout hovering just below the surface of the water. At first, to his chagrin, he didn’t see anything, just an ordinary, empty lake. Not wanting to disappoint his elder, he would feign understanding, despite his lack of ability to actually see the fish. Time went by, and he continued to listen to his grandfather enthusiastically describing what he saw on their fishing trips together. Then one day, he finally understood what he was looking at well enough to see the big fish for himself! This experience was a highlight of his childhood, and it points to a larger lesson as well. Unless our eyes and ears are trained to see, many of the greatest wonders of life go by unnoticed. The more we practice noticing, observing, and getting to know our natural neighbors, the greater our abilities and understanding will grow.

While most children haven’t had the opportunity to develop the ability to see all the wonders of nature, at least they haven’t yet had decades of practice in ignoring the world around us, to focus on other “more important” things, the way many of us adults have! They can learn so quickly, with just a little encouragement, to see details that most of us would normally miss.

Below are some suggestions for ways to add depth and variety to your nature experiences. Some are approaches that we took in the nature center classes, others are additional ideas for even more fun. When we do nature walks now, we don’t have a formal objective in mind every single time we go out – sometimes we like to just soak it all in. I have found, though, that these activities have trained our eyes (and other senses) to focus, and to see all the treasures that we otherwise tend to overlook. I also like to reinforce our nature walks with books and other resources to help us learn more. If I’ve found any particularly useful resources, I included them in the list, but please remember that these are totally optional. You can have great nature studies with very little preparation, supplies, or equipment. To begin, just select one or two ideas, and then get out there and have fun!

1. Try to observe or collect as many different types of leaves as possible.
   • Look What I Did with a Leaf! (Naturecraft) is a great book that explains how to make your leaves into works of art, from instructions on preparing and pressing the leaves, to ideas for great collages, some simple and some absolutely magnificent.
   • Leaf Man (Ala Notable Children’s Books. Younger Readers (Awards))is a fabulous picture book illustrated entirely in leaf collages. Great for little ones, but I enjoyed it, too! You should be able to find this at a local library.
   • Place leaf collection between pieces of waxed paper, and iron gently to preserve for your nature notebook
2. Look for fallen logs. Turn the logs over and see what kinds of fungi and invertebrates (worms, centipedes, roly poly’s) you can find. (The little insect magnification boxes are great for getting a close-up view!) You can explain that these creatures are helping to turn the tree back into soil. They are nature’s clean-up crew!
   • If your children are interested in learning more about decomposition, I highly recommend The Magic School Bus Meets The Rot Squad: A Book About Decomposition (Magic School Bus).
3. Look for any places where bugs or animals could make their homes: spider webs, dead trees, hollow spots in trees, shrubs, holes in the ground, under logs or rocks, etc.
4. Look for sources of water: puddles, streams, ditches, or even hollows in rocks and curled up leaves that can collect rain.
5. Periodically stop, and see how many different sounds you can hear: wind in the treetops, birds, insects, traffic, people, animals, etc.
6. Look for birds, or for signs of birds, like nests, scat, etc. If you like, you can try to identify a few of the species you see.
   • Birds (A Golden Guide from St. Martin’s Press) is one good, inexpensive, choice for beginners.
   • Or if you are looking for a more complete (but still inexpensive) guide, you could try Birds of North America, Revised and Updated: A Guide To Field Identification (Golden Field Guide from St. Martin’s Press)
7. Take a little magnifier along. Often you can find them at a dollar store, or at a toy or education store. Amazon has several like this. Practice using the magnifier to get a closer look at what you see: veins on a leaf, tree bark, rocks, grass, flowers, seeds, etc.
8. Look for as many different kinds of rock as you can find. You can collect some of them, if collecting is allowed in your location.
   • Identify them with a guide from your library, or try the Peterson First Guide to Rocks and Minerals
9. Look for as many examples as you can find of items that could be food for people or animals: leaves, grass, berries, fruit, roots, nuts, other animals, etc.
10. Look for examples of animal camouflage. How do the insects and animals you see blend in to their surroundings?
11. Make a list of the many different types of insects you find. Make a simple sketch of the ones you can’t identify.
    • If you want to try looking them up, you can consult the Peterson First Guide to Insects of North America (Peterson First Guides(R))
12. Observe all the different types of bark that you can find.
    • Take along some paper and crayons, and make bark rubbings. (Peel the paper off the crayons and hold sideways to get the best rubbings.) Use more than one crayon for a colorful effect.
    • Close your eyes and feel the texture of the bark on different trees. How do they feel different?
13. Look for signs that animals have been nearby: tracks, droppings, nuts that are gnawed or half eaten, bark nibbled off trees, holes or nests in trees.
14. Take a wind walk: Try to feel which way the wind is blowing, and identify what things move when the wind blows: leaves, grass, flowers, limbs, etc. Notice if there are any signs of wind’s effects, like fallen leaves or branches.
15. See how many different types of seeds you can spot. This is a great idea for late summer/early autumn. Be sure to check your socks – they collect lots of little grass seeds. There are also nuts, berries, pine cones, twirly little maple seeds, and much more.
16. Take a night walk, and notice how it differs from walks in the daytime. Do you hear different sounds? See different animals? Where do you think the daytime animals are right now?
17. Take a series of short “moon walks“. Observe (and even draw) the changing phases of the moon over the course of a month. Look at all the stars, too, and refer to the following easy reader/picture book for some very simple constellations to identify:
    • The Sky Is Full of Stars (Let’s-Read-and-Find-Out Science 2)
    • If you or your child is interested in becoming more familiar with the nighttime sky, you need to check out Find the Constellations, a great classic for all ages from the author of Curious George.
18. Look for moss. See how many examples of nature’s carpet you can find!
19. Look for as many different types of flowers as you can find. Are they attracting any visitors? If so, what kinds?
    • If collecting is allowed where you are, take a few sample blossoms. Sandwich them between paper towels, and press them in a heavy book. When dry, you can add them to your nature notebook.

This list is just a starting point for your nature explorations. I’ve found that I notice new things now, almost every time we go out. I try to refrain from turning the walk into a lecture, but rather I try to point things out as I notice them, and the children automatically seem to do the same. As time goes by, we naturally revisit topics we’ve covered in the past, but with new perspective and understanding from our continued nature experiences. I don’t foresee getting tired of it any time soon.

Happy naturing!

Photo credit: Muir Woods Path by Trevor Scott

EDIT: If you find yourself a little creeped out or intimidated by some of these suggestions, do be sure to check out my follow up post on this topic!

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

I used to think I had a pretty good handle on my ability to figure out what was going on around me. I’m a question-asking, seeing-is-believing type of person. In the past year, though, I’ve learned that our brains, while doing an admittedly remarkable job of getting us through the day, have a disconcerting way of dealing with gaps in what we know. It turns out that sometimes our brains just make stuff up, without our knowledge or permission. And other times, our brains will completely ignore things without our being aware. You may have seen reports in the past of how inaccurate eyewitness accounts can be? Well apparently this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Consider the spinning dancer image found here. This has been making the rounds of the internet the past few days, and I had a lot of fun sending it to my friends and family to see how they did with it. You are supposed to look at the image to see which way the dancer is spinning. Some people will see the dancer spin clockwise, while others will see it spin counterclockwise. Still others will see it switch it back and forth, and may even be able to make it switch at will.

It turns out (as best I’ve been able to track down) that the dancer isn’t really spinning at all. Instead, it is a series of 2-d images strung together. The silhouette doesn’t tell us details like which leg is in front and so on, because it doesn’t show more than the most basic outline of the limbs. Our brain, though, tries to make the image make sense by filling in the details. If our brain fills the details in one way, the dancer seems to rotate clockwise, and it will look like her right leg is raised. If it fills in the details the other way, the dancer spins counterclockwise, and it appears that her left leg is raised. (You can get a sense of how this works by covering up everything except the foot that is on the ground. If you watch just this foot, you can see that it doesn’t really spin, but rather moves from side to side, giving the impression of rotation.) Pretty nifty!

I found another interesting demonstration that our brains are, at times, surprisingly unreliable. Try to count how many times the players with the white shirts pass the ball in this video. After you’ve watched the video, click here for the answer. (No cheating!!! You’ll kick yourself if you peek and then ruin it.)

I think both of these examples are fantastic reminders that people who have different perspectives and different points of focus will see the world differently, for very good reasons: that is how their brains sincerely think things should be. Sometimes it is difficult to understand how someone else could come to conclusions so different from our own. Examples like these help us understand the huge differences in human opiniond a little better. They also help us evaluate more realistically how much we really know about a given situation.

A book I read just a few months ago, Stumbling on Happiness, has more information about how our brains can lead us on a merry chase, and it gives some ideas for how to keep our brains happy, too!

Now that I know better than to assume that someone else sees something the same way I do, the next time my children seem to be missing an obvious point I’m going to have to remember these lessons!

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

• You have to do it, or you won’t survive.
• There are a million different ways to do it, and almost that many opinions on which way is the best.
• You can survive on a bland, monotonous diet, but with a little variety to spice things up, you can really thrive.

There are so many delicious styles and customs of eating on this planet; So many different ways to meet our bodies’ needs for nourishment. At any given time, there are a zillion different opinions about which foods in which forms and quantities confer the most benefits, even within the culture of a single country, like the United States. I can’t be the only one who has noticed a similar tendency in the area of educational theories, as well!

Through our experiences with sampling different foods, though, we develop a sense of what flavors agree with us, suit our sense of taste, and appeal to our particular appetites. Those of us with the freedom to experience different educational approaches also learn to identify and seek out the routes that work the best for our own circumstances.

Although some of us have a bigger appetite for culinary adventure than others, it’s interesting that most of us seem to tire of a diet that is too monotonous, too much of the same dull combination of flavors. Our bodies crave variety, seeking to ensure an adequate supply of all the various vitamins, minerals, proteins, fats, and sugars that we require for optimal health.

Similarly, we often crave a generous variety of learning activities and opportunities. We can get especially excited by learning new things in new ways, and even more so if those ways are well suited to our learning styles, interests, and abilities.

To be sure, we can survive on a bland and limited subsistence diet. Indeed, many on this planet have precious little choice. Too many are lucky to get even meager crumbs of nourishment.

Likewise, many families have comparatively little say in the quality or form of their children’s educational experiences. They may find that their children are stuck in hostile and toxic educational environments, ill-suited to meet their educational needs, and without the flexibility to adapt. They must then settle for a subsistence level education.

Homeschooling families, however, are lucky enough to have the freedom to select their preferred educational flavors. They enjoy the liberty to season their experiences with a variety of strategies, approaches, and activities.  They, and afterschooling families as well, are always looking for the best ways to inspire their children to reach their full potential.

What is the best way to whet an appetite for learning?

The answers to that question are as varied as all the cuisines of the world, and can only be discovered one person at a time. While there are infinite ways to fulfill our basic needs, each person will have preferred approaches that suit their culture, their experiences, and their constitutional make-up.

And even after we identify our preferred ways of learning (or eating), and get into a routine that suits our families, we still benefit from a little variety, a little spice to keep our interest and enjoyment levels high.

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

I’ve been thinking more about my post on the 80/20 rule. Basically this rule points out that certain actions lead to disproportionate results. Often, you can look at a group of actions and see that just 20% of them ultimately lead to 80% of the result. If you identify and focus on those vital components, you can get a better result than a more haphazard approach allows. You minimize getting bogged down or discouraged by trivial details.

• The 20% of something that is the most helpful or vital leads to 80% of a good result.
• The 20% of something that is the most unhelpful or distasteful results in 80% of any misery experienced in the process.

I’ve been able to come up with quite a few ways you could look at homeschooling using this rule. There is probably an infinite number of ways to look at this, and some of them would doubtless contradict one another, but still I think it is fun to think about. You could say things like:

• 80% of what we learn (and retain) comes from the 20% of our experiences that are the most meaningful.
• 80% of our personal struggles come from the 20% of our flaws that are most unbalanced.
• 80% of frustration in learning can be traced back to the 20% of learning activities that are the most difficult/disagreeable/discouraging.
• 80% of the fun in homeschooling comes from the 20% of activities that are the most interesting/appropriate/constructive/meaningful.
• 80% of what we actually get done in a day is a result of the 20% of our potential activities that we’ve most successfully made into good habits.

There are lots more that I could think of, but it all seems to boil down to this:

In a situation where you are trying to improve your learning outcomes, or even just to have a more pleasant experience, start by getting the most critical 20% in order. Often the resulting sense of accomplishment and improved morale seems to make the other less essential parts much easier to get through. Plus, if you don’t get to everything (like me, most days) at least you know you did the parts that mean the most.

If you do a little more of the most fun and helpful techniques, you can increase your overall success by a lot.

If you do a little less of the unhelpful, counterproductive stuff, you can reduce your overall misery by a lot.

Don’t worry about getting the balance perfect – that’s not going to happen!

Of course, this does mean you do a lot of thinking about what really means the most, what really is the most productive use of time, what really is the best approach for your situation. The answers may not always be what we assume they are!

I’m going to be thinking of other ways this principle can be applied to homeschooling. I’d love to hear your ideas, too!

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

The Pareto Principle, also known as the 80/20 principle, is a famous rule of thumb for determining where to focus your energies. It was named for an economist who discovered that in most countries 80% of the nation’s resources was owned by 20% of the population. It turns out, though, that the rule applies to many, many phenomena besides land ownership! Businesses and economists have embraced this principle over the years, but it can be incredibly useful to keep in mind for many other areas of your life.

What does this mean, in a nutshell? Well, it often means that 80% of consequences are the result of just 20% of your actions. You probably spend 80% of your time with 20% of your acquaintances, wear the 20% of your clothes that are your favorites 80% of the time, etc. And, you will probably find that 80% of your lifetime learning comes from the 20% of your experiences that were most meaningful for you. Of course the exact proportions really vary, but the underlying idea is the same – we get a disproportionate amount of payoff from the effort that we spend on just a few key areas. For this reason, the rule is often stated as “the vital few and the trivial many”.

The 80/20 rule is a great antidote for perfectionistic tendancies! Don’t worry about doing something perfectly in order to pull it off. Just remind yourself that you’re probably already 80% done if you can simply do the most vital, key details. Often, the rest is just gravy – good if you can get to it, not critical to your success. Even if you do need to slog through all the little details, if you focus on getting the critical 20% right first, you will often be better prepared to get through the trivial tasks that are remaining. Your overall outcome will be improved.

There is an infinite number of possibilities for applying the 80/20 principle in life. Here are a few examples:

• (from business) 80% of your revenue comes from 20% of your customers
• likewise, the most problematic 20% of your customers are responsible for 80% of your total problems.
• 80% of the improvement in the appearance of your house can come from the attention you pay to the most crucial 20% of your household chores.
• 80% of your stress comes from the 20% of things about which you are most worried.
• 80% of your productivity in a given day comes from the 20% of your time that was used the best.

If we want to improve an aspect of our lives, it stands to reason that it is important to identify the most critical, productive elements and be sure to get those right first. It sure beats getting bogged down by obsessing over trivial details. (Ask me how I know!)

More info on the 80/20 Rule:

A great article on BetterExplained.com, with a nifty visual demonstration

Pareto Principle on Wikipedia

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

I’ll say it again. And again. And again. I’m talking to myself here, because I am a lifelong, bona-fide perfectionist. Apparently I require a lot of repetition, because I seem to leap into yet another perfectionistic thought pattern if I relax my guard for even an instant. Yes, I’ll think I’m making progress in gaining a better sense of perspective, or getting a better grip on my compulsions, and then Wham! I’ll realize I spent the last 10 minutes debating with myself about whether perfectionistic is actually a word. My spell checker says it isn’t, but I’m going to let it stay. April 1, Perfectionism 0!

As a parent, and especially as a homeschooling parent, I’m often struck by how much pressure there is to carry out my role “just right”. The stakes are high – not many things in this world are more important than how your children turn out. It is easy to get the feeling that the margin for error is virtually nil, even for people who are not normally all that perfectionistic. (That term is starting to grow on me. If it isn’t a word, it should be.) The question is, just how healthy is all this questing for the ideal parenting strategy and an ideal education?

There are people out there who think perfectionism can be healthy in some situations. After a lot of thinking about it, I’m not one of them. To me, perfectionism = the drive to do things perfectly. That means no lapses, no mistakes. Taken to an extreme, it would mean that to succeed, you have to be right the first time, every time. That’s just not realistic.

If pushed against a wall, even the most extreme of us will admit that perfection is not literally attainable. Everybody makes mistakes – we all know that. Perfectionists, however, behave as if perfection should be attainable. Yes, they sometimes do things very well, but their tendency is to view every mistake as a failure, every setback as an indication of unworthiness, and this tendency has consequences that can be dire.

I’ve become increasingly aware over the past few years of just how much my own perfectionist tendencies serve to hold me back from actual progress. I decided to write about this topic so that I could get a little closer to answering the question:

“What is so bad about perfectionsim, anyway?”

I did a little thinking, and a lot of clicking around on Google, and before long I was overwhelmed by the all the fascinating ideas I found myself running into. So overwhelmed in fact, that I contemplated dropping the subject altogether, convinced that it was way too hard to approach this topic in an original, interesting, informative, entertaining, innovative, creative, and meaningful way. It was too hard to make it all make sense, too difficult to communicate everything that I had put together so far in a way that did the topic justice. It would just be easier to tackle a topic that is less far-reaching . . . Several days later it (finally!) dawned on me that perfectionistic thinking had its sharp little talons in me once again.

In the end, the only way I could get myself to tackle this rich and potentially life-changing topic was to tell myself that I’ll just take a whack at one little bit at a time. So, for now I am going to limit myself to giving you examples of three types of perfectionism, and then I’ll list a couple of common responses that perfectionists exhibit when their perfectionistic inner voice rears its ugly head. (One of those responses explains why some people don’t even recognize that they are perfectionists. Could you be a perfectionist and not even know it?!)

Three basic ways to exhibit perfectionism:

1. Perfectionism directed towards oneself. This is me thinking that I ought to be perfect.
2. Perfectionism directed towards others. This is me thinking that other people ought to be perfect.
3. The belief that perfection is expected by others. This is me thinking that others expect me to be perfect.

Personally, I have a problem with numbers 1 and 3. I am pretty darn forgiving of mistakes and failure and even just mediocrity in others, but I have very high standards for myself. When I think back on it, I realize that I also commonly feel as if “someone” (not anyone in particular) is expecting me to be perfect. I think numbers 1 and 3 are the classic perfectionists that most people think about when they hear the word. I think type number 2 would be the hardest kind of perfectionist to live or work with, though!

Two responses to your inner perfectionist:

1. Some people, when driven by inward directed perfectionism, are motivated to achieve and excel. This sounds good on the surface, but because this is a perfectionist we’re dealing with, such a person is only happy when things are going, well, perfectly. Most people undertaking a challenging endeavor will face periodic setbacks. A perfectionist will likely feel those setbacks more deeply than most, which can make for a miserable existence, indeed.
2. But other people, when faced with the prospect of needing to do something perfectly, will never attempt it in the first place. These people might not even realize that they are perfectionists, because it is possible that in one or more areas of their lives they aren’t accomplishing much at all. Housekeeping guru Flylady believes so many of us perfectionists have a hard time keeping house because if we can’t do something perfectly, we don’t even want to try. (And I can tell you from experience that keeping house perfectly really is impossible, especially if you have children around!)

In both of the above cases, perfectionism can lead to unhappiness and feelings of unworthiness. It is an unrealistic and often counterproductive emotion. Sure perfectionism has sometimes driven people to great discoveries or innovations or contributions. But how many more discoveries or innovations or contributions never saw the light of day because perfectionism was the last nail in their coffin?

Ready to run out and read more about perfectionism?

Then you shouldn’t miss this excellent and thought provoking post about perfectionism from Ragamuffin Studies. Seriously. It is very good. Did you know that there is no word for perfect in Hebrew? In this post she deals with moving towards an idea of wholeness and completion, rather than perfection, and I stand in awe of her insight.

Also you could read this article from BBC News. It covers some of the territory that I did today, but it also has a sidebar with 10 quick questions to determine if you are a perfectionist. I have to admit that number 10 got me! Quite clever.

P.S. You’ll no doubt be thrilled beyond measure to know that it turns out “perfectionistic” is actually listed in several online dictionaries as a bona-fide word. I know I am.

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

A link to one of the better pieces I’ve seen on homeschooling came through on one of my email lists today. This is a great one to print out for the skeptical spouses and grandparents out there, or others concerned about homeschooling. It’s also quite encouraging to those of us who’ve been doing it a while! I like to have a file of articles and other information about homeschooling, so I can refer to it when I have a bad day and am feeling discouraged. I do routinely misplace these articles, so I’m forever starting a new folder, but that’s another story.

If you liked this page, Stumble it!

I spent the day yesterday at the first annual Love to Learn Conference in Hickory, NC. It was a nice little conference, although small, since it is just getting started. I think their turnout was a little better than anticipated, though, because they ran out of programs. I gave a little vendor presentation at one of the breakout sessions. Unfortunately, they forgot to print it on their schedules, so I only had three people attend! (And I already knew them!) Actually, it was a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed the other speakers, too.

If you haven’t been to a homeschool conference before, or even if you just haven’t been to one lately, I highly recommend you give it a try. Conferences can be very inspirational and motivational. They also get your sense of perspective back on track – I love that you can see how different homeschoolers can be from one another, and yet it all seems to work! At this recent conference, for example, different speakers had very different takes on good ways to homeschool for high school. They both had insightful messages, but it was especially nice to see that there is more than one good way to go about this adventure of ours!

If you liked this page, Stumble it!